What is your Ex going through after the breakup?
They are usually torn between two things:
- They are “curious” about their new life
- They feel guilt that they’ve hurt you
(Exceptions are abusive or narcissistic Exes)
Both tendencies are contrary to each other. Which often causes conflict for them.
So what they do is they want to know that you are alright by being present, telling you things and always be available to talk things out.
(At least most of them do, if they don’t, then consider yourself lucky.)
In an effort to make it as easy for you as possible they answer texts, tell you that they will always love you, and other foolish things.
By doing all that, they make it much harder for you to start your recovery.
Does that mean they want to get back together when they do all that?
And that’s the crux of the matter.
All these false signals are so difficult to interpret when you are not yourself after the breakup.
It makes everything so infinitely harder.
Then (I hope), you finally make the best decision that you can do:
You go No-Contact … and they DON’T like it.
They don’t want you to do it.
So they sabotage you.
They call you, they urge you, the don’t want to lose you.
But why after they’ve initially left you?
Out of many reasons, mostly out of selfish reasons.
Just to list a few:
- they don’t want to lose their power over you
- they still want you as a “safe haven” in case something goes wrong with their new life
- they want you still around for the “benefits” (which can be different things for them)
Is that something you want?
I don’t think so.
Also, please try to resist the temptation to follow the No-Contact Rule as a way to get them back (as many sleazy marketers promised you).
The sole purpose of the No-Contact Rule is to remove the “object” of your pain out of your life to reconnect with yourself and to be able to re-assess the situation after 60 days.
Trust me, nearly 11 years of coaching have shown that this is by far the best course of action after a breakup … in almost every case!
The best way to get your power back and fight this terrifying helplessness.
If you haven’t started yet, just start today.
It may be the hardest thing you’ve ever have to do (as a client once said), but I guarantee you, it’ll be so worth it.
Your friend and coach,