I read somewhere that worrying is basically contemplating over shit.
It’s thinking about different horror scenarios that almost never turn out as we imagine them, so it’s practically useless.
A waste of mental energy.
But the “over-thinking” process, that actually happens after the breakup is way worse.
It’s like contemplating over shit and adding all different kinds of disgust to it.
It’s going through every detail of the relationship and breakup, analyzing it, turning it upside down, desperately trying to find some kind of clue in it.
Clues to questions we don’t know the answer to:
Why did it happen?
How have I not noticed …?
Has she or he been unfaithful?
What if I had said …?
What if I had done …?
It’s important to realize that the answers to these questions will come much later in your recovery.
It takes the course of a recovery to receive the answers we want right now.
Maybe you had a “closure conversation”, or maybe you haven’t.
Maybe they told you the real reasons for the breakup or maybe the just said a bunch of crap.
Whatever it was, you WON’T get it.
You must first go through all phases of the breakup until you GET what actually happened.
And I don’t mean the obvious things on the surface.
I mean the things buried deep that caused the relationship to go south.
This is one of the biggest benefits of a painful breakup:
Understanding what happened and learning from it.
Because I WANT you to learn from it.
Learning is making lots of mistakes in your life and relationships … and NOT making the SAME mistake twice.
That’s all good Eddie, but what should I do know?
The beauty of knowing that you won’t understand the “answers,” even if they told you, is that you have the choice to stop looking for them.
In other words, it’s in your power to stop the worrying, the obsessing, the over-thinking of everything 24/7.
You can choose to stop!
You are NOT helpless, you are NOT a victim, there’s NOTHING wrong with you.
If you have taken the first step, which is break off contact with them, then take the next:
STOP the harmful “cycle of thoughts” before it destroys you from within.
So the point of this email is that you understand that there are no answers for now … they will come later.
For now, you have to actively start your recovery and trust that everything will be okay in the end.
If you choose to do this, just follow my proven and field-tested way to get over an Ex for good.
This way it will happen much faster, and you will avoid all the common mistakes.
Your friend and coach,