One of the biggest regrets I have in my life is that I followed the wrong path for so long.
Had I known earlier who I am and which goals to pursue, my life would have been very different.
For so long I’ve followed the path that others had mapped out for me, and I ignored that it felt so terribly wrong.
I simply didn’t know better.
Today, this is what I teach others:
Find out who you are, what makes you tick and give yourself what you need.
Everything you want will follow after that.
Perfect partner? Sure.
Happiness? Of course.
It is so difficult to imagine any positive future after your breakup.
How long has it been since then?
A month? Six months? Three years?
It’s time to turn things around.
Don’t waste any more time.
I say to clients:
“Take all the time you need.”
But AFTER you have made the decision that you must heal and get over them.
It can’t be too soon for that.
Anything that comes before that decision is pretty much time wasted.
And I wasted lots of time back then.
But I get it.
It’s not easy to give up everything you had and to tell yourself that it’s over.
But you must.
Before you can do anything, you must admit to yourself that you can’t go on like this anymore.
That all this waiting and hoping for things to get back as they once were, won’t get you anywhere.
In fact, I can tell you that this limbo kind of state can easily take away YEARS of your life.
So I tell you: give up the hope to get them back, and get to work.
There’s no way around it.
The way to start is cutting off contact with them, cold turkey. Start following the No-Contact Rule.
I won’t lie to you, it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do.
But it will give you your power back.
Only after you’ve done this, you can get some relief by reaching the next critical stage.
You will feel much better once you’ve there:
How do you get there?
- by escaping the deadly “But-I-Still-Love-Them” trap
- by accepting 5 specific things that stand in your way to recovery
- by defeating the paralyzing anger towards your Ex
Acceptance is a prerequisite for everything that comes after that.
You cannot skip this step.
So, if you haven’t started yet, start now:
- decide that you don’t want them back (that’s what it basically is … a decision)
- cut off all contact to your Ex (check one of my previous newsletters on how to do it when you have kids together)
- work your way to “Acceptance.”
If you have made these three step, then you are more than half way there.
If you need my help, I will show you how to get your mindset right for faster healing, all the tools for No-Contact, and how to defeat all the common obstacles that will stand in your way (this is when most people give up).
Your friend and coach,