The actor Dennis Quaid once said after his breakup with Meg Ryan:
“When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. It’s like death.”
… and I think we all can agree to that.
A part of us died when our Exes walked away.
BUT – and of course, there’s a “but” because the purpose of this newsletter is not to depress you – we have to realize that the part of us that died wasn’t US in the first place.
Let me explain.
It is a fact that most of us lose ourselves during a relationship that matters.
We shift away from the person we really are, to “someone else”. Someone who maybe wants to compensate personal shortcomings, hidden pain and stuff we are carrying around with us our whole lives.
I, for example, had an over-authoritative father who killed my self-esteem. So what I did was compensate my self-doubts, my self-hate, my disorientation with HER: she was beautiful, young, hip and full of energy.
I lived through HER.
Now what you do you think happened when she walked away?
Right … my (false) identity was shattered. And “shattered” is the perfect word.
I was destroyed.
But what I didn’t know at this time … destroyed was only the part that wasn’t ME.
Once I was able to re-build my real ME, I made a huge leap forward.
Does that make sense?
Here’s where most people are stuck in their recovery. They feel that they don’t move forward. They struggle with the “letting go” part of their healing.
The reason for this is that they concentrate more on their Ex and how they feel about them, as opposed to having a good look inwards.
This is how most of my clients had their huge breakup-through that changed their relationships forever.
So was YOUR identity shattered by your breakup?
What were you trying to compensate?
What is your “hidden pain”?
What is the part of you that you’ve lost during the relationship?
Let me help you find out the answer to these questions and break free from your Ex the right way.
In our DETOX Course (that’s the lessons with video, audio, worksheets, the community and myself) we focus on physically “detoxing” our Ex with No-Contact and re-connecting to our “true self”.
If this sounds good to you, we are here for you:
Your friend and coach,