Do you too have problems with being alone?
Here’s a question from a dear reader:
“Right now, I struggle with being alone. I tend to do ok when surrounded by other (friends) and can stay in the present moment. But when I go back home, the comfort of being with others is gone, and my mind strays to thinking about the relationship. I know why we broke up, and I know it is for the best. I don’t want my partner back, but I wish the feeling of loneliness would subside.”
I remember this problem from my own breakup.
Alone-time was terrifying for me, because I knew that I would re-live every second of the breakup non-stop.
Could I have done anything to prevent it?
What if she finds someone else?
These two were my favorite topics for self-torture over and over again (I seemed to have enjoyed it).
Until I realized what was really the problem because it was NOT the “alone-time.”
The real problem were, in fact, two things:
- I was unable to stop this obsessing … I didn’t know how.
- I confused aloneness with loneliness, these are two different things.
When you are alone, there is no one around. When you are lonely, then there very well may be other people around you.
So loneliness is a state of mind, and therefore it CAN be controlled.
What we have to learn is to be alone WITHOUT being lonely.
Here’s a beautiful quote that illustrates what I mean:
“Aloneness is an opportunity, a state brimming with potentiality, with resources for renewed life…In the space of aloneness…a woman (or man) is free to admit and act on her own desires. It is where we have the opportunity to discover that we are not a half but a sovereign whole.”
― Florence Falk
So there are opportunities in being alone that we have to seize.
For me, the discovery of aloneness helped me to realize that there is comfort in my inner voice and that I don’t need anyone else to be happy.
I just had to quiet the noise and make audible the real me.
Sounds weird I know …
So how do you fight the feeling of loneliness?
- By realizing that it’s not caused by the absence of people (or your Ex), but by your state of mind which you must change.
- By stopping your over-thinking process.
- By re-connecting to the real “ME”
Your friend and coach,