I don’t have to tell you how it feels.
When our partner left us, we felt unloved, abandoned, discarded even.
Suddenly there was a big void.
How can we fill that void?
Let me tell you first how we are genetically programmed to perceive this kind of experience (bear with me, it’s really fascinating).
Since the beginning of man, the love of the mother meant survival. If the mother stops loving the child for whatever reason, it would surely die.
Receiving love meant survival.
If the tribe you were in doesn’t “love you” anymore, you will get banished which also meant certain death, because back then you couldn’t survive on your own.
So again, we were programmed that receiving love meant security and survival.
So what do you think happens when our lizard brain (the oldest part of the brain, the brain stem, responsible for primitive survival instincts) comes face to face with a breakup?
Panic, fight and flight instinct, primal fear of survival.
But it’s false alarm, because today, it’s very unlikely to not survive when the Ex leaves.
But still, there are 200.000 years of evolution at work here.
What to do?
You have to fill that void that your Ex left behind with something else.
You have to fill it with self-love.
Please Eddie, not THAT again.
I know it’s something you’ve heard before, but don’t fall into the “I-know-this-already trap” that causes inaction.
Self-Love is the most underestimated component to defeating any emotional struggle, low self-worth and lots of things I can’t list here.
Unfortunately, your Self-Love is most probably in the toilet after your breakup (I know that mine was).
So consequently, to love yourself again is one big goal in your recovery.
So how do I increase my self-love, Eddie?
Here’s how you can start.
Every morning tell yourself in front of a mirror with a smile on your face:
“I love and accept myself unconditionally!”
Then observe and accept the inner voices that will tell you otherwise.
But be patient, persistent and don’t give up. When you keep doing this every morning, you will feel a huge difference after a while.
Trust me on this one. I’m still doing this every morning.
Your friend and coach,