Yesterday, while I was on my way to the bakery I had an interesting encounter with a dear friend.
I ran into Lorraine, whom I hadn’t seen for quite a while.
She was staring at a big Weight Watcher billboard, and I could see that she was studying it thoroughly.
Lorraine is a kind of person you will rarely meet. She has this natural, inbuilt happiness and confidence.
She isn’t what society would call “beautiful” (I don’t like this ambiguous term), she is a little overweight, and dresses uncommonly.
But she has this inner beauty that radiates out of her. You immediately notice it, and it touches you.
Usually, she is always so positive and happy … but not this day as it seemed.
She looked so sad while reading the billboard and when she saw me a big smile entered her face. But something was not quite right.
“Why do you want to go on a diet? I love you just the way you are!” I said to her.
I really meant what I said, but my main intent was to make her laugh.
But she didn’t laugh. In fact, she started to weep.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her.
Then she told me the sad story of her failing marriage.
Her husband started to act strangely during the past few months, he told her daily about things he suddenly didn’t like about her anymore.
One of these things being that he thought she was too fat.
While I felt sorry for my friend, this phenomenon was no news for me … the “suddenly-your-not-enough” phenomenon.
It happens so often, wife and girlfriends (and men too) who bend to the will and desires of their partners.
You’re too fat
You’re too skinny
I don’t like your hair
I don’t like the way you dress
[fill in the blancs]
And most people submit to their partner’s desires to keep them happy, only to be left anyways eventually.
Deprived of their real selves.
You don’t want such a partner … and this kind of nagging is a red-flag.
You want a partner that takes and appreciates you as you ARE. With all your faults and shortcomings.
Not someone who wants to shape you in his image.
When you break up with someone like that (usually they break up with you), you suffer from a loss of identity.
That’s why your recovery MUST focus on a re-connection with the real “self”.
That’s the only way to achieve sustainable recovery.
(The alternative is to run into the same kind of partner again and again.)
When you go through the recovery the right way, you’ll suddenly discover that your Ex was the one who wasn’t “perfect” … and their pedestal starts to shake.
And more importantly, you’ll learn WHO you really want in a relationship.
You will be able to describe them in precise detail (not just “I want an okay guy”).
All done by re-connecting to who you really are and bullet-proofing your heart against future breakups.
Your friend and coach,
Just to be clear, if you are overweight, you SHOULD go on a diet, but because it’s healthier for you, and NOT because your partner doesn’t like you the way you are.