I don’t have to tell you about the pain you are going through … you are feeling it right now.
But I remember five things in particular that caused me so much pain back then.
Are they tormenting you as well? If so, then I might be able to help.
The first thing that hurt so much was this:
1. Having all the wonderful future plans destroyed
I know that you have planned it all out in your head: maybe marriage, maybe growing old together, enjoying grand-kids, that trip to overseas, etc.
2. Not being a couple anymore
It sounds weird, but that was something that really bothered me. I loved being in a relationship, I enjoyed the social status it gave me.
3. Not being able to confide in them anymore
Our Ex was our go-to person whenever we had a problem. They would offer comfort and solutions. The weird thing was that I had the urge to go to her to complain about our own breakup … creepy.
4. The fact that we are not their #1 anymore
Being their center of attention felt good. We felt loved, secure, we belonged. Not having that anymore is a source of pain.
5. The terrifying finality of the breakup
It’ss not easy to come to terms with something lie that. To accept that it’s finally and irretrievably over.
But this is one of the first and most critical stages you have to reach:
Many of us struggle with this for a long time.
But the truth is if you don’t accept that it’s over … I mean really and truly acknowledge that you are never getting back together again, you will not move forward.
And many of us have been stuck here for a long time.
Accepting will take care of all of the five things I’ve listed above.
You can start by saying out loud, multiple times a day:
“[Ex-Name], I accept that our relationship is over.”
It will feel weird at first, but slowly, very slowly, you will see results.
Some things simply won’t bother you anymore, and you will feel a difference.
You still won’t be over them, but you will feel better.
Your friend and coach,