“Sometimes what you want is right in front of you. All you have to do is open your eyes and see it.”
Have you ever watched the TV show “Big Bang Theory”?
There’s Penny, the attractive neighbor who lives next to a bunch of very likable but bookish nerds. One of them is Leonard, who is very much into Penny.
Although right from the beginning it is crystal clear that said Leonard would be a perfect match for Penny – having all the prerequisites for making her very happy.
But she not only ignores him as a partner choice but also dates every stupid jerk that comes around who she knows is not good for her.
Why do people do that?
Ignoring perfect matches while choosing the wrong partners.
There are two main reasons for that.
One problem is that we don’t match external (superficial) qualities of a potential partner to what we really want in a relationship.
Do we want adventure, thrill, and uncertainty? Or do we want stability, trust, and mutual respect?
The problem is that the latter looks boring, and the former looks exciting.
And what we want in the beginning is excitement and forbidden fruits (especially when coming out of a dysfunctional relationship).
Leonard seems boring, the jerk of the day seems exciting.
The second thing is that we might be addicted to the unhealthy qualities of our former partner choices.
This happens when we let our (as I call it) “hidden pain” do the attracting.
I wish I could go a little deeper into that right now, but the gist is that certain events in our past (early childhood experiences, toxic parents, defining adolescent relationship moments, etc.) created belief systems that keep sabotaging our partner choices and make it so hard to let go of Ex-Partners.
That’s why one of my main goals in my post-breakup coaching (after the partner detox) is to help you to reconnect with your “true self” and resolve these hidden pain posts.
So that in the future you basically bullet-proof yourself from breakup pain and make healthy partner choices by identifying the patterns that sabotaged you previously.
Your friend and coach,
Someone told me that in “Big Bang Theory” Penny and Leonard eventually got together (please don’t spoiler what happens next, we’re not there yet). I will keep you posted.