We all fear that our Ex will find someone else after the breakup.
The mere idea that they could fall in love again is unbearable.
I remember this fear so vividly.
But what happened to a dear reader is the absolute culmination of all post-breakup fear-come-true that you could ever imagine.
It’s when the Ex moves on much quicker than expected.
In her email wrote that her Ex left her out of the blue, without any explanation or a final talk, and he announced it with a simple text message.
That’s bad enough … but wait, there’s more.
Only TWO weeks after he left, he married her best friend.
Imagine that.
Imagine how she must have felt, this feeling of betrayal and humiliation.
Eight years they were together, and he never before spoke of marriage …
Admittedly, this is a very extreme situation that doesn’t happen every day … but it begs the following questions:
How do you get over betrayal?
How do you cope with the fact that they moved on so quickly?
How do you move on when you didn’t have any closure whatsoever?
Here’s where many of you do the wrong things that only prolong your suffering.
The main mistake you are making is that you try to make sense of what happened intellectually.
In other words, you look for clues for what might have caused this mess and you re-live every minute you’ve ever spent together.
But how could you understand, when you’re right in the middle of it?
Let me tell you this, and I’m speaking with 11 years experience of coaching breakup survivors behind me …
You CAN’T make a sense of the situation when you are stuck in an early phase of your recovery, you first have to go through all of the phases.
(and yes, you can be stuck in an early phase even years after the breakup!)
Only THEN you’ll understand … and you can utilize this knowledge to make the last step in your recovery.
NOT before.
So the answer to the questions above is to work as hard as you can to STOP this “vicious cycle of thoughts” … this obsession over figuring things out.
Because that’s what it is: an obsession.
For now, it doesn’t matter what happened.
What’s most important right now is that you start your recovery, push yourself through the phases and build up your self-worth.
Makes sense?
Your and coach friend,
Eddie