According to Al Pacino in the movie “Devil’s Advocate” love is:
“Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.”
As funny as this might seem, it begs the question:
What is love … really?
A few years ago I wrote a huge article about love and how people experience it.
The gist of it was that love comes in many forms and shapes (there are six of those). But only TWO of them are the real thing.
Most people love in ways that are NOT what we would call “real” altruistic love.
Were you one of those?
Are you really having a realistic view of the love you shared with your Ex?
Was he or she really the “ONE”?
These are all uncomfortable questions, I realize that.
What I have found after coaching people for 11 years now is that most of you idealize their Ex after the break.
You simply don’t have a clear picture of the quality of that past relationship.
We already talked about putting the Ex on a pedestal and worshiping them (and I also know that some of you don’t do that because they were in a toxic relationship).
But the fact is that your view is distorted.
And herein lies a big danger for your recovery.
Because how can we truly profit from this experience when we build our recovery on sand?
In other words, you can only learn from your breakup and have better relationships because of it (and bulletproof your heart), IF you know exactly what happened and what you really have felt.
I know that the love you feel for them is a significant obstacle in your recovery.
But I love them soooo much …
That’s what I often hear in my coachings.
But I know from experience that this is just an excuse to not take action.
People want to treasure and preserve the love they think they feel for their Ex. It seems valuable, something worth protecting.
But let me tell you this:
You can’t protect the love you still feel AND heal at the same time.
That’s a trap that can keep you in a place of misery for many long years.
I don’t think it’s what you want … that’s just wasted lifetime.
You WILL learn whether the love you feel for them now is just an illusion or not.
Today, you must tell yourself:
I want to move on even when I still love him/her.
Tell yourself that and don’t delay your recovery anymore because of that excuse.
(That’s especially true for those who suffer for way too long).
Was your relationship the “real” thing?
The answer to that question will greatly impact your recovery.
Make sense?
Your friend and coach,
Eddie