“All emotional pain lasts for 12 minutes, anything longer than that is self-inflicted.”
This is one of the most controversial quotes I’ve ever posted.
It polarizes people.
The first reaction is usually “that’s BS” or “of course, it is self-inflicted … so?”
But let’s think about this for the moment (and let’s apply this to breakups only).
In my experience (my own and from coaching lots of people for over ten years), the ONE thing that is making things so complicated is the over-thinking process.
The “vicious cycle of thoughts” as I call it.
It’s the obsessive urge to re-think every little detail and aspect of the breakup and the consequences of it.
You know … the “what-ifs” and “if-onlys”.
The more we do this, the more we get caught in a quicksand of pain that is getting harder and harder to escape from.
It is my firm belief that if we somehow were able to nip immediately this in the bud, we would be fine very quickly.
That’s why one of the main areas you should concentrate on after starting No-Contact, is to stop this vicious cycle.
The secret is mind-control.
And one tip I can give you for free is to have a process in place to distract you as soon as you feel you’ve lost control.
In our DETOX Course for example, we have a six-step process to stop thinking of your Ex.
I gave it the fancy name “Mind DETOX” and it’s based on behavioral therapy, a process which our members find super helpful.
Because once you’ve stopped this excruciating mental processing, you can concentrate on yourself and get to the root of your pain … and fix it.
I for one think that the quote is accurate but also irrelevant because we are feeling humans, not robots.
So if you’re not a master Buddhist monk, you WILL process events emotionally.
BUT, you must take control of this because if you don’t, you will prolong your recovery unnecessarily and harm your emotional wealth.
Your friend and coach,