Are you a romantic soul like me?
Did you grow up with Disney movies, poems, cheesy song lyrics, tales about “true and forever”-love, chick-flicks, etc.?
Then you are an easy target for the ”Happily Ever After”-Syndrome … which unfortunately will make your breakup harder than it already is.
Is it all a lie?
This “love at first sight”, “love conquers all”, and certainly the “if we’re meant for each other then we’ll stay together for eternity” kind of thinking most of us fell for, like really hard?
Maybe not a lie entirely.
BUT … has it given us a realistic view of what love really is? And has it helped us to preserve our relationship?
Nope, it hasn’t.
And that’s why the breakup hit us twice as hard.
We had such high expectations, we committed fully to the relationship.
And yet, we are still so crushed by this breakup …
If you are a regular reader of this newsletter, then you know that there are lots of reasons for your pain … but one of which I want to address today is the following one:
Unrealistic expectations lead to disappointment.
What does that mean?
It means that we were conditioned to have a distorted expectation about love.
Let me tell you what love is NOT:
- Love is NOT there to fix you (it’s not therapy)
- Love is NOT there to deny aloneness
- Love is NOT there to quench your emotional hunger
- Love is NOT there to change your partner to your ideal
- Love is NOT effortless and self-sustainable
The ONE thing that I want you to get out of this email is that you ask yourself:
What did I expect?
What was my personal view of love?
Was this helpful or not?
When you go through the recovery the right way (the way I teach it), then you will learn about the real reasons that led to the breakup.
And while knowing these reasons is important, you MUST also work on correcting your distorted views of love and relationships, be it glorified or cynical after the breakup.
Having a realistic view will help you attract the partner you really need, as opposed going through the toxic cycle again.
Your friend and coach,