“It’s just like how can it be over? How do you just not care anymore? How is it so easy for guys to go on in life acting like you meant nothing to them? How how how how …”
—A LovesAGame reader
I know you too have asked yourself this so often and more:
“Why did it end?”
“Why did he/she said the things they said?”
“What could I have done differently?”
When I went through my breakup, I spent months contemplating on these painful questions.
And every time I did, I got caught up more and more in this vicious cycle.
I was like quicksand … the more you try to escape, the deeper you sink in.
The moment I decided just to stop that, I started to feel much better.
What most of us don’t know at the beginning is that it’s impossible to fully grasp the answers to these questions.
We feel the compulsion that we have to understand, but we are simply not capable of understanding.
We wouldn’t even get it if our Ex would explain in painstakingly detail (but in most cases they simply can’t).
It is later in our recovery that we can put one and one together, answer these questions for ourselves AND learn from the answers.
When we can accept that fact, it’s easier for us to stop.
We DON’T need the answers to these questions to heal.
And we certainly DON’T need to know the “WHY” … for now.
All we need NOW is the willingness to move on and do what’s necessary.
Ruminating over the “why” is a big waste of healing time and energy.
I know that it’s hard to stop, but please try. Take one hour, one day at a time.
Your friend and coach,