Does this sound familiar?
It’s been three years now since we broke up and I’m still not over him. It often feels so fresh, as if it had happened yesterday. I can’t go on like this anymore, can’t take this hopelessness, I just want this nightmare to end …”
Why is it that some people suffer way too long? What are they doing wrong?
I’ve witnessed two primary outcomes when people are not healing the right way:
- Their recovery takes too long (years often)
- They go back into the same toxic relationship they’ve had their whole lives
(Often it’s also a combination of these two.)
I think we can all agree that these are outcomes we don’t want.
And I can say with confidence that if you take the right approach, you can heal and move on within 60 days … AND lay the foundation for better relationships in the future.
So Eddie, tell me, what did I do wrong that I’m still not over them after so much time has passed?
Your recovery progresses in phases. There are seven phases in total.
So after a breakup, if you rely on time to heal yourself, you slowly shift from one phase to the other (often jumping back and forth).
This is the “natural” healing process.
The problem is that most of us don’t go through ALL the phases … we sabotage ourselves by trying to jump ahead, cheating ourselves, trying to take shortcuts.
Of course, this doesn’t work so well, so we don’t heal properly. We either stay alone for a long time or we go back to the same (familiar) partners we had before.
That is not progress, it’s stagnation, regression even.
When people take years to heal they never got past the “Disengagement Phase” where you actively let go of your Ex.
When you avoid to let go of your Ex, your Ex will stick around in your mind. They will influence your every decision and hold a firm grip on you … even when you don’t see them anymore.
You give them power, and they WILL occupy your life.
That’s why it’s so important to resolve all the phases of your breakup and prepare yourself for having the relationship you want.
So if you are still not over your Ex … if you suffer longer than 60 days, you need to start your recovery the right way.
One tip I can give you in this is email is this:
Ask yourself, Why can’t I move on, what is holding me back specifically and how can I resolve this?
If you are honest with yourself, you will learn valuable clues that you can use to identify your “hidden-pain” points. If you manage to resolve those you can turn around things in your recovery very quickly.
Your friend and coach,