How do you cope with all these weird emotions that come up after the breakup?
As soon as the first shock has sunk in and you slowly start to face the fact that they’re gone, it begins:
Obsessive self-dialogue that attacks your self-worth.
Depending on the circumstances of your breakup, I’m pretty sure that you feel humiliated and betrayed.
“I was abandoned and shut out.”
And it’s understandable that you feel that way, after so much time and investing into the relationship, he/she has simply walked away.
I know that I felt like a complete fool back then.
Now, here’s where many of you make a terrible mistake (I made the same).
We allow a destructive self-narrative to happen.
Up to a point where it becomes obsessive.
And much like quicksand, the more you try to escape, the deeper you get sucked in.
All of this is dangerous because we dig ourselves deeper and deeper, up to a point when it gets hard to escape (especially when you form the belief that it’s your fault only).
You MUST get out of this kind of thinking … or else it will destroy your self-worth.
A first step is, of course, to remove the object of your “addiction” out of your life:
Break off all contact with your Ex.
After that, you can concentrate on yourself, without being constantly pulled off-course by drama from your Ex.
The result will be that you will feel better much quicker. It’s much like waking up from a terrible dream.
At one point you’ll know what you want and what you need to do to get there.
And that’s a big tipping point in your recovery.
The best and fastest way to do this that I know of is this:
Set yourself a fixed time-frame for breaking off contact with your Ex during which you will concentrate on your recovery only. “The 60 Days of No-Contact.”
In these 60 days, you are going to face the obstacles of No-Contact and use them as a catalyst to solve personal issues and heal sustainably.
That’s how you “bullet-proof” your heart from future heartbreak.
Your friend and Coach,