People think that anger is a bad thing after a breakup.
I say it depends.
There’s a reason your anger is there … and it’s not what you think.
I know that there’s lots to be angry about.
Maybe you’ve been cheated on, lied to, or maybe you’re just mad at them for leaving you.
Often we also feel hate anger towards ourselves:
How could I mess up this beautiful relationship? Why couldn’t I save it?
If you don’t feel any anger at the moment, then you’re just not there yet … because anger is a symptom of one recovery phase.
You can ask yourself:
Why can’t I immediately switch from this depression like state I’m in now to absolute joy and happiness.
The answer is because it’s impossible to do.
You cannot go from dark depression to absolute joy in an instant. We must work our way up to the “top” of emotions.
Anger simply feels better than depression and despair at this moment in your recovery.
That’s why it gives you some sort of relief subconsciously.
But this can also become a trap at the same time.
Because some people tend to get stuck here … feeling the anger way longer than they should.
So, what I want you to take away from this email is this:
Use your anger as long as it gives you some kind of relief … the minute it doesn’t anymore, move on.
Remember, anger feels much better than depression.
BUT … when the anger starts to consume you, you must resolve it quickly and move on.
In our course, for example, we use three main techniques to get rid of the paralyzing anger once it has outlived its usefulness (one of these I discovered accidentally years ago, and until today it’s the most efficient one I know).
The next step after resolving your anger is to work on your acceptance, because when you are angry, you still haven’t accepted that it’s over.
Your friend and coach,